Chapter Five: Enjoy Seeing Her Smile

****Pam****

"Trev! Why don't you get out there and run the next set?" Coach White's voice rang out over the field and all of the reporters turned their attention to the sideline where Trev stood, including me. I watched with the other reporters as Trev snapped the strap on his helmet and ran out to the field as Ryan ran off, and as they crossed paths, Trev and him slapped each other on the arm. They had been switching on and off for three days, each time showing the same sportsmanship. All of the media had noticed and it was a popular topic of conversation among the many watching from the press area.

The other popular conversation topic was who would be named the starting quarterback. Everyone had their opinions and they usually swayed towards Ryan. It was a topic that I had gotten tired of talking about but my colleagues started up again as Trev took the field.

"There's no doubt that he looks better than he did, but anything would have been an improvement." I heard Victor comment and I inwardly cringed at his implications about Trev's previous condition.

"Is it enough though? I mean Ryan’s looking pretty good and has gotten some experience from having to fill in for Trev during last season. Maybe they should give Ryan a chance." Barry offered and I sighed, causing them and several others to look at me and I cursed under my breath for directing attention to myself.

"Your dad coached both of them, what do you think, Pamela?" Victor asked and I wished I could hide. I didn't want to give my opinion for the very reason that he had just stated; not only because of my dad but because I knew both Ryan and Trev too.

I shrugged. "Who am I to say. It's been six years since Trev played at ASU. . ." I told the truth, technically; they didn't need to know about the extra help Dad had given unless Trev or Dad let it be known. "And I wasn't there when Ryan played."

"Oh come on Pamela. . .You have to have an opinion on it. . .which one do you think they'll pick?"

 

I looked back at Trev playing and sighed as I did. "I'd be shocked if they don't give Ryan a chance to start during the preseason games." Most of the other reporters smiled and nodded their heads and turned their attention back to the practice, thinking I was done. "But. . ." They slowly turned back towards me. "I wouldn't count Trev out; in fact, I think Trev is going to surprise a lot of people this year." I walked away so I could escape answering anymore questions and continued to watch the practice, thankful to be left alone with my own thoughts and observations.

At the end of practice, some of the players remained on the field to answer questions including Trev and Ryan and the inevitable competition questions started.

"Trev, you and Ryan seem to not have much animosity toward each other, even though you're both vying for the same position.  Will that continue once one of you is named the starting quarterback?"

Trev chuckled as he looked over at Ryan, who returned the chuckle with a knowing grin. "Tom, I'm getting tired of answering the same question that's worded differently. Maybe one of these times you guys will believe me. Do I care about being the starting quarterback? Yes. Do I want the job? Yes. Will I be disappointed if I'm not? Yes. Will I stomp around the field and throw a temper tantrum like some other players might? No. I'm a team player, I've always been one and if me not starting is better for the team, then I'll accept it. The fact that it could be Ryan makes it easier. He's a nice guy, a team player, and he's a good quarterback. So yes, the lack of animosity will continue even if he's named as starting quarterback."

Ryan motioned to Trev that he wanted to add to what Trev had said, and he nodded. "I'm in complete agreement with Trev. We've both answered this question an insane number of times and I'm not answering it anymore. We've told you how we both feel so let's move on to something else."

"Is it true that you're both going to ASU this weekend to help train the quarterbacks?" Another voice shouted through the crowd.

Ryan nodded. "Yes, although I wouldn't say we're going to help train them; more like interact."

"Coach Haines asked if both of us could find a weekend to stop by and talk with some of the players." Trev further explained.

"Knowing him I wouldn't be surprised if running plays fits somewhere into the itinerary." Ryan joked and I found myself chuckling with them which again caused several reporters to look at me.

Several tamer questions were asked before the players headed to the locker room and I was then being pressured from other reporters. "You must have some kind of inside information, Pamela. . .they're both going to work with your Dad this weekend." Victor accused.

"They can do that without me knowing more than any of you." I offered but they weren't going to let me off the hook that easy.

"Right. . ." Barry smirked and I rolled my eyes at him. "You did say something earlier about not counting Trev out. . ."

I turned and glared at him. "Yes, I did, because of what he's shown on the field the last several days. He's more relaxed, has better accuracy, and looks better than he has in years. You'd have to be a complete idiot to not see it and I know for a fact that Coach White and the rest of the coaching staff are not idiots. They'll give Trev his chance, he may have to wait for a bit, but he'll get it."

"He'll probably choke." Tim scoffed and I whirled around to face him. I scowled at him for his stupidity and wanted to tell him how much of an idiot he was for believing that, but that would tip them off since I had never stuck up for Trev before, and that would lead to even more questions being asked.

"I guess we'll see." I offered instead and walked away with thoughts of what I wished I could have said running through my head. 

By late Friday afternoon I arrived at the ASU house and I was even more irate about the whole situation. As I entered the front door, Dad and Mom greeted me and immediately noticed how disturbed I was.

"Ryan just texted and said that he and Trev would be here in about an hour. Why don't you and Dad go and talk while I finish up dinner?" Mom offered and Dad and I went into his office.

"Is it that bad?" Dad asked after we had both sat down.

"It's horrible, Dad." I said and slumped even more into the chair. "It seems like everyone has made up their minds and don't want to give Trev another chance."

He sighed and nodded. "I figured it'd be that way and so did Trev when he was here several weeks ago. He's got a steep hill to climb and has to keep at it."

"I have no question about his ability to do that. I just wonder about. . ." I stopped myself from saying my thoughts and looked out the front window behind Dad.

"About his recovery?" Dad offered after several moments of silence.

I glanced back at him and slowly nodded. "He's under so much pressure. And the comments about him and Ryan drive me insane, I can't imagine how he or even Ryan deal with it."

Dad sighed as he looked down at the floor. "I don't want to say anything that will hurt any trust between Trev and I, but I can tell you that he does have a very good support system in place, including his family, and he relies heavily on those people." He looked back up at me. "But I can't say anymore without being afraid that I told you too much. But it is worrisome for people that know where he's been that he'll revert back. What he's trying to do is hard and his career makes it even harder, but Trev's pretty stubborn, and once he sets his mind to something, he usually succeeds."

I nodded and we sat in silence once again until his curiosity got the better of him. "So. . .he and Ryan looked good?" Dad hinted and I smiled back at him.

"Yes; he and Ryan both looked great. I wish you could see them on the field together. I had wondered, like some of the other journalists, if their friendliness wasn't as it seemed; but they seem to actually like each other and they have a lot of fun on the sidelines." A huge, proud smile spread across his lips, like the one that appeared on his face whenever Tiff, Jenn, or I did something that caused him to feel proud. "You know, if you contacted the Buck's they would let you into the practices. . ." I hinted.

He shook his head violently back and forth. "No, I would be a distraction. I'll just let you keep me updated. . .for now."

I nodded and stood up to place a kiss on his cheek. "Well, whenever you do decide that you want to come you should have no problem getting in. I better get moving if I'm going to be ready to go out to dinner." He stood up and hugged me and I rushed upstairs to change.

****Trev****

"I'm glad we decided to ride together. It made the drive more enjoyable." I admitted to Ryan as we walked up the stairs to Coach's house.

"No doubt! It's not a long drive but once you get out of the city the scenery becomes nonexistent."

I nodded and reached to push the doorbell but was too slow for Mrs. H. Before I could push it she opened the door and ushered us into the foyer. "You're here! We're so excited that both of you are here at the same time!" She hugged both of us and then called for Coach. "Nick!!"

Coach came around the corner from the family room and smiled at both Ryan and I. "This is a sight! The two of you together is trouble, there's no doubt!" He joked as he hugged me and then Ryan.

"I don't know what he's talking about, do you Trev?" Ryan acted innocent.

"Nope, we're as innocent as lamb." I grinned wide and Coach and Mrs. H. laughed loud.

"That's the biggest bunch of bull shit I've heard. . .well, at least this week." Coach joked. We all laughed and he motioned for us to go into the family room while we waited for dinner. We sat down and soon he started talking about Training Camp. "So I hear that you two are playing nice on the sidelines and field."

We both nodded. "I'm so over the press making a big deal about that." Ryan admitted.

Coach nodded. "I bet. It'll hopefully die down once the season starts." He smiled again. "I also heard you both looked good on the field."

I chuckled at his admission. "And just who are you getting your information from? It wouldn't happen to be a blonde sports journalist, would it?" I joked but any response got interrupted by the sound of footsteps and we all turned to look at the entrance to the family room.

I had known that Pam would be at ASU that weekend; we had talked several times during the week and she had mentioned being at the house with Ryan and me. So her entrance into the family room hadn't surprised me; what did was her appearance and for a moment, I forgot that she was Pamela Haines, the daughter of Coach, and the last person on earth that I could ever imagine myself with. For a brief moment, I saw her without the bias of our interactions over the past nine almost ten years, and I let my eyes move slowly up and down her body and appreciated how the black, short dress she wore clung perfectly to her curves and toned muscles.

"I thought I heard Mom's excited voice; I figured it had to be you two arriving." She said and I realized that I had been thinking those thoughts and staring at her. She smiled at the both of us and I let out a small sigh of relief, figuring she hadn’t caught me checking her out.

"Wow! You didn't have to get all dressed up for us." Ryan joked with her as he stood up and Coach and I followed. As the conversation continued, I had to make a conscious effort to keep my eyes from drifting downward.

"Well, I could let you think that, but the truth is that one of my old friends happens to be in town and I'm going out to dinner." At her admission I felt a little knot form in my stomach and tried to ignore it.

"Who's the lucky guy?" Ryan inquired and I was glad that he was able to ask the question, since I was too ruffled to.

She smiled and shook her head. "Not he. . .she; she's an old friend from college." She turned to face me and smiled even more. "Actually, Trev knows her too."

I froze at her mention of me knowing the person and started to mentally run down the list of girls that Pam and I knew from college but with the sound of the doorbell Pam motioned for us to follow her into the foyer and I stopped trying to guess. The second she opened the door a huge smile spread across my face. "Paisley!" I said her name as I recognized her face. She looked in my direction and returned the smile as she recognized me.

"Trev?" She ran past Pam, straight up to me, and gave me a hug.

"Holy shit! Pam just told us about having dinner with an old college friend but I hadn't thought of you." I looked Paisley over and determined that she hadn't changed much in the last six years. She was still in great shape and hadn't aged a day, and her smile could still melt anyone's heart.

"Oh?" She teasingly smiled. "I see how it is; I'm not all that memorable then? And are you still butchering Pamela's name? It's Pam..e..la; not Pam."

I let out a loud laugh and smiled at her. "No one could ever forget you. And I suppose you're right about her name, although she hasn't corrected me about it recently." I glanced at Pam as I teased her, and caught her rolling her eyes, but she also had a small smile on her lips that remained there as she briefly looked at me and then turned towards Paisley.

"Speaking of Pamela. . .weren't you actually here to see me?" She joked and Paisley rushed over to hug her.

"Of course! I'm so glad that we found a way to get together!" After their hug, Paisley hugged Coach before Pam introduced her to Ryan.

"Ryan, this is Paisley Marques. She and I were both cheerleaders and played basketball here."

"That's why you look familiar! You played pro basketball for the Ravens!"

Paisley nodded. "I did; now I work for a sports radio station here. I've asked Pamela to come on the show several times, but I haven't been able to convince her. . ." She looked at Pam who rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I'm a writer. . ."

"Yes, yes." Paisley looked back at Ryan and me. "She and I have had this discussion many times. She always insists that she's a writer and I remind her that she did several stints in the campus radio booth for her communications degree but she has a selective memory and chooses to forget such things." Paisley teased Pam, causing her to roll her eyes. "Anyway, I'm sometimes in the city, we should all do something the next time I'm there." She looked at Pam as she continued. "We'd better run so we're not late for our reservation, but make sure Pamela gives you my information, Trev, before you leave." She turned back to look at me.

"Will do." I nodded. "It was great seeing you again Paisely." She and Pam said goodbye and soon after Mrs. H appeared in the foyer.

"Did I miss them?" She asked and we nodded. "I'll have to scold Pamela for it later, anyway, dinner's ready."

It was an odd sight to see Mrs. H., Coach, Ryan and I around the dining room table, but it was fun nonetheless. Later that night, after Mrs. H. and Coach headed to bed, Ryan and I sat on the balcony reminiscing about our college days and talking about the upcoming season.

"How do you think the teams shaping up?" Ryan asked.

I slowly nodded as I started to answer. "Well, I've gotten a slightly different perspective this year. . ." I hinted and we both smiled. "And I've noticed that the team's missing something."

"What's that?"

"Each individual player is good, really good. But there's something that's bugged me before now but I couldn't put my finger on it. It took coming back here this summer to figure it out." Ryan nodded for me to continue. "Coach has always been able to help his teams connect, become not just a team on the field, but off the field."

"To bond." Ryan added and I nodded. "You think that's missing from the Buck's?"

I nodded again. "I do. We pretty much all get along but there's no spark, nothing that's lighting people's asses on fire. We had a guy on the team that used to get people pumped up but ever since he retired two years ago, no one ever picked it up."

Ryan chuckled and I raised an eyebrow at him. "I can think of two guys who could pull that off. . ." He hinted and I nodded.

"I think if we can pull together as a team and get a fire lit, we can go far this year, farther than most think we will."

Ryan nodded and we sat there for several minutes, doing nothing but drinking sweet tea and enjoying the warm night until I heard him chuckle again and he put his glass down on the small table. "So. . .Paisley. . ."

I chuckled at his question that wasn't a question. "I was wondering how long it would take you to ask."

"I didn't ask." He smirked and I scoffed.

"Whatever, smartass." I joked and continued. "We, the guys on the team, used to refer to Pam and Paisley as P n' P; two peas in a pod, because where one was, the other was sure to be. That's probably the only reason that Pam and I socialized at all in college, Paisley was friendly with everyone and would drag Pam along to parties. Early during our freshman year, the two of them came to a party and Paisley and I started talking. We remained friends in college and then drifted apart after that, something that I did with most people I knew from here. . ." I trailed off and looked out at the campus, once again realizing what a jerk I had been to the people that had actually given a shit about me.

As if he sensed that I wanted to be alone, Ryan stood up and motioned to the door that led to his room. "Well, I'm going to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow."

I looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah, I need to head to bed myself. See you tomorrow."

"Yup." He said as he grabbed his glass and walked toward his bedroom door. "Oh. . ." He looked at me over his shoulder. ". . .and about the team coming together, I'm in." He smiled before he continued to walk through the door.

I decided to finish my tea before heading to bed, and as I sipped it, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying the sounds from the campus off in the distance. Every once in a while a car horn would sound and I could imagine the main strip on campus lined with cars that tried to avoid pedestrians crossing the street. I heard the faint mumblings of excited voices carried by the wind and thought back to all the times that I had walked around campus with friends. The sound of the front gate opening reminded me of the times that I had visited the house I then enjoyed hearing the noises from. . .My eyes flew open when I realized what made the last sound and I saw a car pull into the driveway. Soon the sound of car doors closing and two women talking traveled up to the balcony and I smiled as I stood up and made my way to my door, not wanting to ease drop on their conversation. But when I heard a laugh, Pam's laugh, I stopped dead in my tracks.  It wasn't a short laugh either, one that someone let out to be polite when they heard a joke that wasn't funny, but one that came from deep down.

I ventured closer to the railing and carefully peered down at her and Paisley. My attention was drawn first to her face. It was more relaxed, similar to when we had played basketball together, and she talked and laughed freely, something I had only recently observed due to us being friendlier with each other. The movement of her hands caught my attention then as she began to expressively gesture with them, and as she finished her thought, she turned even more into the light shining from the porch. Everything else seemed to fade away as I continued to stare at how the light illuminated her long, silky, blonde hair and how it simultaneously highlighted and shadowed parts of her figure that showed just how good of shape she was in.

I continued to stare until the sound of Paisley laughing was like a slap in the face and I snapped back to reality. I rushed back into my room, having enough sense to quietly close the door, and quickly spun around to pace as I tried to make sense of what had happened just then and earlier

You're attracted to her; I thought to myself. That much was obvious; but why then and not before? I hadn’t been blind in the years I’d known her, Pam was attractive, beautiful even; but in the nine years that I had known her, I’d never been physically attracted to her. Her closed off personality and irritation toward me had honestly turned me off.

She's not like that now. . . I couldn't argue with myself about that. The animosity that’d been present before seemed to be gone and while we didn't talk as easily as she did with others, the conversations we shared had been honest and there hadn't been the sarcasm and snippiness that had been abundant in our previous conversations. There had also been some where she’d given me mini pep-talks, which had been some of the more confusing ones since I was used to each of us giving the other a hard time; but now she wasn’t even getting upset when I teased her.

Like when I call her Pam. She doesn't get upset when I call her that anymore. . .I had been so focused the last two months with football that I hadn't even realized it until Paisley had playfully scolded me. I had started to call her Pam in college during our freshman year after she had started to call me Trevor. She knew I hated it when people called me anything but Trev and my revenge had been to call her Pam instead of Pamela. She isn't even calling me Trevor any more. . . When had that happened? I couldn't remember for sure. Maybe around the same time she had started to actually smile at me?

I enjoy seeing her smile at me. . .Of course I did! I not only enjoyed it, I tried to have the gesture repeated! Nine years of having her scowl at me and now she smiled at me. . .who wouldn't enjoy seeing that change?! But even at that moment, I knew that there was a different reason I enjoyed seeing her smile directed at me. I thought back to earlier when she had mentioned going out to dinner with a friend and I had tried to ignore the knot that formed in my stomach when I thought it was a dinner date.

I stopped pacing near the bed and sat down hard on the edge of it. What the hell am I thinking?!  She was the same woman who had acted like I was the scum of the earth; who's sister was interested in me, who's dad was Coach. . .I didn't even want to think about what would happen if I did something that could damage his and my relationship.

I sighed as I leaned forward and rested my chin on my hands as I went round and round with my thoughts. I'm attracted to her, she's not repulsed by me now, she doesn't call me Trevor anymore, she sometimes smiles at me, and I enjoy making her smile. . .

Why am I even considering this? Nevermind that she couldn't possibly be interested in me, but how could I even consider it with my recovery? I let out a frustrated sigh as I leapt off the bed to change my clothes, hoping that if I focused my attention on something else it would drive the thoughts of her out of my head. But as I finished changing, I heard the sound of footsteps and then the opening and closing of the door across from mine.

She had returned to her room and once again returned to my thoughts; and I realized that I was fooling myself. I wasn't magically going to stop thinking about her or wondering about the change in the way I thought about and looked at her. Even with my limited relationship experience I knew that wasn’t going to happen, but I also knew that no matter what I was feeling, I needed to be careful and make sure of what I felt. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin everything for a fleeting feeling or a passing attraction.