Chapter Ten: Leaps of Faith

NSFW at the very beginning

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****Trev****

Chocolate and incredibly soft skin; those were the first thoughts that entered my mind as I became more conscious after dozing, and the combination of the two made me smile because it meant that what happened before was real. But just in case, I kept my eyes closed and took big breath, once again smelling sweet chocolate on her skin.  What does she do that makes her smell that way? I wondered as I continued to enjoy the scent, along with the feeling of her long arm draped over my chest and her toned leg laying over mine, making every inch of my body that hers touched burn.

I'd dreamt many times about her touching me and imagined what I would feel if it ever became a reality. Dreams that seemed so vivid that when I woke up my stomach and heart would sink from the anguish of it being a figment of my imagination. I always welcomed those dreams though, because for so long they were all I had.

They were my only hope of ever experiencing that closeness with her and I gladly experienced the moments of agony if for only a moment, I could convince myself that they were real. But somehow, that night, my dreams became a reality and as I continued to lay with her my mind replayed what happened from the moment she walked off the elevator to her laying on me.

Many moments in between were so unbelievable that I wondered at the probability of them, but they’d all somehow happened.  Her showing up at the apartment, sharing dinner, me playing the piano for her and telling her how I felt, all led to the explosion of our feelings and us sleeping together not once, but twice. And as I remembered specific moments from each time, the powerful, overwhelming and incredible emotions I felt seemed to bombard me again; emotions that I’d never experienced when sleeping with someone before.

They were feelings that I had an inkling of from witnessing the happy relationships of my parents and siblings, but because I hadn’t been in any meaningful or real relationships, I had never experienced them before. It sounded cliché as I thought it, but the only way I could describe how it felt when our bodies joined was that it made me feel whole. Like she completed the part of me that was empty and in all honesty, it scared me; because it made me realize how much I really needed her and I worried that knowing me, I’d do something someday that would push her or make her turn away from me.

In my worry of losing her, I pulled her closer, rousing her from her light sleep. The sleepy smile she gave me as her head lifted off my shoulder helped me to ignore my feelings of self-doubt and the dread of my sabotaging shortcomings and instead, I smiled back at her. “Did we both fall asleep?” Her eyes quizzically looked around the room before returning to mine.

I nodded. “Not for very long.” She continued to look around the room for evidence that could backup what I said, until she spotted the clock.

“We should probably get dressed though. It’s getting late.” The decisiveness in her voice and the flash of determination in her eyes made me worry.  Was she wanting to leave, or was she simply expressing her opinion on the time? To me, it sounded more like she wanted to go, which was the last thing I wanted, but I worried that if I said so she’d feel pressured to stay and my uneasiness about what to say or do grew as we started to search the room for our clothes.