Chapter Fifteen: The Worst and Best Kept Secrets

****Trev****

“The car will be here in about five minutes.” I yelled up the stairs in my apartment and smiled at the sound of her rushed footsteps on the floor above. 

“I’m almost ready. Just getting my shoes.” She yelled back down and I kept pacing between the stairs and the doorway. I didn’t know why though; it didn’t help get rid of any of the anxiousness I felt about the night ahead. 

It was our big moment, the night when we were going public with our relationship and we’d picked a doozy to do it with. It was the Bucks’ annual postseason banquet that was hosted by the organization to celebrate its accomplishments and thank those who made them possible. 

It was extra special that year since we’d won the Super Bowl and the organization had planned an over the top celebration that was getting a lot of attention from local and some national press. Which meant that a lot of media would be there when we finally let the secret out of the bag. 

Not that it was the best kept secret. Our families, closest friends, Bucks’ management, and Pam’s boss all knew. The later I’d learned about while we were still at the cabin when it dawned on me that she should’ve been working instead of taking care of me. That’s when she let me know about her conversation with Roger and how she was taking time off.

Her hiatus lasted until a couple days before the Bucks’ event. She’d gone back to work and explained why her reporting on the Bucks wouldn’t be an issue anymore. It wasn’t a secret that I didn’t like most journalists, at least the pushy sports ones, but I came to respect Roger after he had gone out of his way help Pam and kept the news of my retirement quiet until I announced it.

My retirement press conference was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It wasn’t pretty; I choked up and cried, but what made it doable was the support that I had there: my Mom, Will, Ryan, the rest of my teammates, Pam’s dad and Pam. 

She’d done exactly what she’d said she would do. She‘d stayed by my side through the weeks since my injury and I owed a lot of why I was able to do the press conference and start down the road to recovery and acceptance, to her. And it was one reason why I was anxious to finally go out with her; because it meant I could reveal how I’d made it through everything.

The sound of an alert from my phone told me that the car had arrived and I turned to call up the stairs again but stopped when I caught sight of her coming down them. She had on a short, tight, black dress, stiletto heels and her hair was styled like it was the night she’d gone out with Paisley, all those months ago at her parents’ house.



“Jesus Christ, Pam.” I whispered as she glided over to me. “You look absolutely. . .” I couldn’t find the right word. Even gorgeous wouldn’t have done her credit. She didn’t seem to mind me getting tongue tied though, and smiled as she took the hand that I offered her.

“Should we go?” She motioned to the door with her head. I caught a glimpse of her twinkling eyes before they disappeared from her smile and I couldn’t resist leaning down to give her a kiss.

“Or we could stay. . .” I breathed against her lips, half serious and half kidding. She playfully smacked my arm and I scrunched up my face, pretending that it hurt. It made her laugh and I grabbed her hand again as we headed towards the elevator.

We’d gone over and over what we would do that night. The car would pull up, I’d get out, walk around the back of it to the passenger side to open the door for her and we’d walk down the carpet together. That was the plan, but sometimes it doesn’t go the way you think it will when you’re in the actual moment. 

That’s usually my fault, I get so wrapped up in what’s happening that I end up throwing the carefully constructed plan out the window. But on that night, Pam was the reason for the frenzy that we found ourselves in on the red carpet.

I expected there to be a little excitement over who my date was, and as I rounded the corner of the car the sound of clicking cameras and flashes from bulbs picked up. They had to wait a minute to get a clear look at who it was though, since I stood in front of the opened door and blocked their view of her.

“It’s crazy out here? You sure you want to come out?” I joked and reached my hand down to help Pam out.  She smiled and I looked down at her as she stood up.  

“Ready?” I gave her a lopsided grin and expected her to give me a nod or say “Yes,” probably because that’s what she would’ve done before. But this was to be a night of firsts for us and she floored me when she placed her hand on my cheek and lightly kissed me; making the media go apeshit.  

We smiled at each other and she squeezed my hand. “Together?” She whispered but I was still so gobsmacked that all I could do was smile, nod and step to the side to fully reveal her. 

I have no idea how we were able to see anything after that. The flashes were coming so fast that I was sure we would go blind. But somehow we kept walking hand in hand up the carpet, stopping every couple feet to take a picture together. 

It was one of the most satisfying moments in my life; being able to share her and not have to worry about if what we were doing was giving something away. We could finally be us and show the world what we meant to each other.

We knew there would be talk afterwards about how she’d written an article about me and the team and the speculation that would come from that. It was one reason why we’d try to keep things quiet, we didn’t want her professionalism called into question. But from that point going forward we were together and it didn’t matter to us what anyone thought happened.

It wasn’t as crazy inside and we were quickly shown to our table that Ryan was already sitting at. Wes and his secret date, Paisley, soon joined us, finally answering the question of how she knew anything about hiding a relationship and Pam scolded her for a solid five minutes before all was forgiven between them. We had a nice dinner, told a few tales, some of them true and had just finished dessert when the entertainment began. 

The team awards were usually the highlight of the night and voted on by the team. It was a little bit bittersweet for me, knowing that they were my last one, and like she’d done in the months before, Pam sensed it and gave my hand a little squeeze right when I needed it. I peeked over at her, out of the corner of my eye, and gave her a small smile, letting her know that I was okay and we turned our attention to the awards.

Some were funny, others were serious, but they always saved the biggest one for last: Most Valuable Player. I figured it would go to Ryan, since he’d been the one to lead the team in the big game and sat back even more in my chair; eager to have the chance to cheer for him when they called his name. 

Which was why I was completely confused by him being the one that got up to present it.  

“So, I get the honor of presenting this years MVP award. We of course all know who’s getting it, since it was unanimous vote, except for one since he was gracious enough to not vote for himself.” Everyone but me chuckled and I felt Pam squeeze my hand.

“There’s a lot of things that I could say about this guy. Like how he helped to bring the team together this year or how his leadership helped get us to the Super Bowl, but that’s only part of the reason he’s so deserving of this award.”

“I went through four years of college, hearing about how great and talented he is. But one thing I didn’t learn until I started playing for the Bucks, is how giving, dedicated and supportive he can be. And if you talk to anyone else in this room, they’d say the same thing.” 

“Which is why it was a unanimous vote, minus the one, that the MVP this year goes to my good friend, Trev Davila.”

People all around stood up and clapped all except Pam and me. She sat there squeezing my hand, encouraging me to get up, but part of me was still confused. It wasn’t until she stood up and gently pulled on my arm that I got out of my seat and the reality of what was happening started to sink in. 

I somehow had enough sense to lean down to give her a quick kiss and squeezed her hand one last time before joining my sneaky and ridiculously smiling friend on the stage. We hugged, patted each other on the back and I took a moment to look at the award after he handed it to me, still shocked that it was given to me and not someone else.

“I. . .” I started and looked out at everyone staring at me, but nothing else came out.

“He’s actually speechless!” I heard Tiny yell from somewhere on my right and everyone started laughing.

“I am.” I managed to get out as the laughter died down. “This could’ve gone to any number of guys. . .we were the biggest underdogs this season and the only way that we came away with the big trophy was by pulling together. It’s a team sport, and I’ve been honored to be apart of this one.”  My eyes swept the crowd and locked onto each of my teammates.

“Thank you for letting me come back this season and giving me a second. . .” I looked at Brewster and he chuckled. “. . .third chance. I’ll always be grateful for it.” I smiled and looked over at the table where Pam was sitting, and she shook her head, telling me not to do what she knew i was about to.

“I’d also like to thank someone, who’s one of the biggest reasons that I’m even still here. She asks some pretty hard ass questions. . .” I joked and got some knowing chuckles, “but she’s also one of the most supportive, patient and giving people I know.”

I zeroed in on and spoke directly to her as I continued. “Thank you for sticking by me and helping to bring me back to life.” I whispered and we both teared up.

I was saved from making a fool of myself by the applause reminding me that we weren’t the only two people there, and I gave a nod before walking off the stage and back to Pam who was still shaking her head, but smiling.  

“You didn’t have to do that.” She protested as she wrapped her arms around me and I kissed her forehead.

“You sound just like your dad.” I teased and her arms squeezed me harder.

The night continued with guys coming up to congratulate me and with our table talking. It hadn’t escaped my notice that besides giving me the award, Ryan wasn’t his usual happy self. The guy had played his best game, won the Super Bowl and had his whole career ahead of him. He should’ve been smiling ear to ear but instead, he was standing alone in front of a punch bowl looking like he’d rather be somewhere else. 

I whispered in Pam’s ear that I was going to go talk with him and made sure that no one was paying much attention as I walked over to the table he’d claimed. “Is the punch that bad?” I joked, hoping to at least get a smile. It didn’t work and that’s when I started to worry. “What’s going on, Ry?”

He gave me a sorry excuse for a smile and shrugged. “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I’ll get over it.” He tried to smile again and I shook my head.

“You traveled to ASU to make sure that I was okay. . .” I hinted at him coming to the cabin just weeks before and shook my head again as I continued, “You’re going to have to go a lot further than across the room to get rid of me.” 

He didn’t argue, but stayed silent and started playing with one of the glasses on the table. He might not have been ready to talk about what was wrong, but I’ve never been known to mind my own business and decided to take a stab at it. “Where’s Chris?” The way his head shot up and eyes filled with panic told me that I’d hit the bullseye.

It was a quiet car ride back to my apartment after the banquet. I was sure she noticed how little I’d talked since my tableside chat with Ryan, but she didn’t mention anything about it until we’d started to change out of our clothes.

“Are you okay? It must’ve been hard, this being your last team dinner. . .” She guessed at what she thought was wrong as she closed the closet door and looked relieved when I shook my head.

“Parts of it were, but that’s not it.” I turned to face her and worried about what I was about to admit to her. “It’s Ryan.”

She nodded and I filled her in on Ryan and Chris. How they’d dated for a couple of years but Christ didn’t want their relationship to be public.

“Was he not out? She asked and I shook my head.

“I don’t know, but with the pressure Ryan’s feeling from stepping up as the starting quarterback, he wanted Chris to show some support by coming to games,. He wasn’t willing, so Ryan decided to end it.”

She nodded and narrowed her eyes as she looked down at the floor. “That’s why he knows how to hide a relationship.” She whispered and I nodded.

“Cause he’s done it for almost two years.” I finished her thought and her eyes shot up to mine, asking me how I knew.

“I asked him a couple days after he gave us advice about sticking to our normal routine. I thought he might tell me if I asked him alone.” I admitted and she nodded. “Once I finally convinced him to tell me, it was like a dam exploded. They were still together then but I knew then that if something didn’t change, it wasn’t going to last much longer.”

“You knew and didn’t tell me?” She whispered, accusing and asking me at the same time. I cringed a little, knowing we’d gotten to the part that could piss her off because it’s how I felt when Ryan admitted it to me.

“Only because it took him 2 years to tell me. Two years! He was in a relationship with someone and he didn’t even tell me, his best friend! It hurt, until I realized how miserable it must’ve been for him.” Knowing it and seeing how heartbroken he was from ending it made my blood boil and I started imagining what I would say if I ever met Ryan’s ex. 

“I swear if I ever find out what the guy looks like and I see him. . .” I threatened but stopped when I noticed her shaking her head, thinking she was telling me not to do anything, but she was still in shock. 

“I thought he was never with anyone because he was focused on his career. I can’t imagine. . .I mean, we’ve kept our relationship quiet but we’ve still been there for each other. He didn’t even go to a game and sit in the crowd? Not even the Super Bowl?”

I shook my head and she sighed. “To care about someone but never really be with them. . .” She whispered exactly what i was thinking as she got into bed. It didn’t seem right; and as I got into bed and thanked god as I pulled her against me, I also vowed to help Ryan find his smile again. 

I didn’t sleep much though, and I gave up soon after Pam fell asleep. Getting my legs untangled from hers without waking her up was always an adventure, since she was such a light sleeper, but I was sure I’d succeeded when she only mumbled and rolled over when I pulled the last bit of my foot free. 

Some of my restlessness came from what happened that night, from the excitement of going public with our relationship and worrying about Ryan, but it was Pam’s words before we went to bed that got me up and seemed to pull me towards my bag. 

It sat on a bench near the elevator and hadn’t moved since I put it there after my retirement press conference. She hadn’t touched or moved it since my Bucks’ uniform was inside and she didn’t want to move something that meant so much to me. Which was why it was the perfect place to hide something. 

I opened the main section, felt around for the hidden one that I knew was on the left side and pulled out the small box that I’d had for two weeks. I didn’t need to open it to know what it looked like, but just like every other time I’d snuck it out of it’s hiding place, I needed to see it; just to make sure it was still there.

Getting it was a totally spur of the moment thing. I was out grabbing lunch with Stan when I noticed a jewelry store across the street from the restaurant. I’d never paid any attention to it before, probably because I’m not the biggest fan of wearing it. 

Call it fate or a simple idea planted in my head, but something led to me making up some bogus reason for not walking with Stan back to our cars. I waited to make sure he’d vanished around the corner and that there weren’t any people hanging around before I crossed the street.

With a determination I didn’t know I had, I marched up to the counter, told the sales clerk that I wanted to look at engagement rings and had spotted the perfect one in less than ten minutes. Buying it was had been the easy part; giving it to her wasn’t.

It needed to be perfect; with the right place and time, and then there was the fact that I wasn’t sure what kind of a future I was offering her. I knew that more than likely that it wouldn’t be there in Bridgeport and I wasn’t sure just how far she was willing to go to be with me.

It’s why her words had gotten to me. To care about someone but never really be with them. I hadn’t been thinking them when I got ring, but I realized that night that it was one reason I’d been so determined to get it. 

“What are you doing?” Her voice came from behind me and I swore at myself for being so careless. The only thing saving me from her knowing what I’d hidden for two weeks was the fact that my back was blocking her view and my ability to keep calm.  

“I didn’t mean to wake you. . .” I calmly said while I internally screamed at myself to figure out a way to hide the box. First I had to close it though without her hearing it. I brought my other hand up, to make sure it didn’t snap shut and then raced to think of where to put it. The bag would’ve been too obvious and my pants didn’t have any pockets, which meant that I’d have to stick it. . 

“What’s in your hand?” So much for shoving it down my pants, I thought to myself and with nothing else left to do, I opened the box back up and turned around. 

Her shocked eyes immediately went down to it and I rushed to explain. “I was looking for the right time. . .this isn’t the way it was supposed to be.”

She started to slowly walk towards me and kept staring at the ring. “Are you. . .proposing?” 

Yes and I’m doing a horrible job at it. I told myself and took a deep breath, knowing that if I didn’t get the train back on the tracks that I would make an even bigger mess of things. “I know I don’t deserve you and it’s crazy for me to think you’d ever say yes. . .”

She was standing right in front of me by then and reached up to take the ring out of the box and placed it on her left ring finger. “Yes.”  She smiled and started wrapping her arms around my neck but I stopped her.

“But. . .I didn’t even ask you.” 

She stepped back again and laughed. “Well if it makes you feel better I can take it off and give it back so you can. . .” She started to pull it off and I held up my hands to stop her.

“No!” Felt relieved and torn when she smiled up at me and pushed the ring back down her finger. I wanted to ask her, but also didn’t want to tempt fate with her never putting it back on if I made her take it off. 

“Holy shit, this isn’t how I pictured this going.” I said and ran a hand down my face.

“You didn’t picture me saying yes?” She teased me, but I was too preoccupied with how I’d botched things to notice.

“Yes. I mean no. I. . .” I sighed and a crazy idea popped into my head that maybe I’d think better if I sat down. I moved the bag to the floor and after seeing what I was doing, she sat down next to me and I took a deep breath before trying to fix things. 

“I meant what I said before, I don’t deserve you.” She gave me a look that told me that we’d had that conversation before and I held up my hand to let her know that I meant to continue. “But besides that, I don’t know what future I’m offering you. You’ve got your career here and mine is. . .”  I huffed a chuckle and shook my head.

“I can’t imagine not having you in my life, but I can’t ask you to give up your career here if mine, whatever it ends up being, takes me somewhere else.”

She raised her brows, asking if she could say something and I nodded. “You wouldn’t have to ask for me to do that. Even without this. . .” Held up her left hand and wiggled her finger. “I wouldn’t be able to stay here while you went somewhere else.”

I started to argue but she shook her head and cut me off. “I can be a reporter anywhere. I told you when we first got together that I didn’t know how much longer I’d be here or if I’d keep doing this for much longer. I like to write and edit and I can do all of those things outside the city of Bridgeport.”

She placed her hands over mine. “We said we were in this together. . .I meant it.” Her eyes pleaded with mine to believe her, but I already knew she meant what she said. She’d proven it time and time again. I’d just wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting herself into by saying “yes.” 

I swallowed hard and rested my forehead against hers. “God, I love you.” I breathed against her lips and kissed her. 

I don’t know how long we sat on that bench kissing, holding each other and crying from both relief and happiness, but no amount of time ticking by was going to keep me from making things right. 

“For my own peace of mind and for me to save face later when people ask how this went, can I actually do this the right way?”

She laughed and nodded. “If it’ll make you feel better.”

I slid off the edge of the bench and got down on one knee in front of her. She gave me a cheeky look as she took the ring off and placed it in my hand. Before she could pull her hand back, I grabbed it, looked into her smiling eyes and finally got to ask the question. 

“Pamela. . .Will you please marry me?” I thought she might pretend to think about it, but she placed her free hand on my cheek, kissed my lips and whispered against them. 

“Yes. I will.”

Later, while we were tangled together in her bed, she looked at the ring on her hand and I could tell she’d thought of something by how her brows came together. “How long have you had this?” I told her the story about going to the jeweler and she smiled and shook her head until another question popped in head.

“How did you know what size?” I’d been glad to see that it fit perfectly when she put it on and I chuckled as I admitted how that happened. 

“I might’ve gone through your jewelry chest and found a ring that I’ve seen you wear before.”