Chapter Nine: On the Verge of Losing Consciousness

A warning beforehand that this chapter is NSFW. . . 

Also, the songs that are played by Trev and Pamela can be found at the end. Thanks for reading!

****Pamela****

Writing the article about Trev and the Bucks was easy. I had more than enough material and after talking with him and the whole team, I knew what approach I wanted to take for it to have the message that Trev wanted. What wasn’t easy and was often times excruciating was not talking to Trev during the two days that it took me to write the article. Knowing that I’d be busy and focused on writing, he offered to leave me alone until I gave it to him. And while I appreciated his thoughtfulness and originally thought that having no contact with him would make it easier for me to concentrate, I soon found out the opposite was true.

My thoughts regularly went to him and what he could be doing, wondering if he was thinking of me and the day we shared together, sometimes even to the previous weeks and how much had occurred between us. Him going to Appaloosa, which led to us texting, that led to us meeting in Riverview and then him comforting me at the stadium and my hotel room. His request to have me write the article and then following him around and him opening up about his dad and seeing him. The touches that we shared between the two of us and wondering if more would occur when we saw each other again. . . It was all the motivation I needed to work as fast and as long as I could to get the article done and into his hands.

But there was one roadblock in the way before it could happen. I hadn’t told my boss about the agreement that Trev and I had about him approving the final article. With it being done I was forced to face the music and I spent the third morning trying to think of ways to tell Roger. The sound of my phone buzzing served as another reminder that my time had run out and seeing Roger’s name appear on its screen made my heart start to race.

Haines! Weren’t we supposed to meet at eleven?

Shit. I cursed to myself and reached across my desk for the flash drive that contained all the article components. Striding towards his door, my thoughts raced through any number of scenarios of what his reaction could be to learning about Trev’s and my agreement but I didn’t have much time to ponder it. I came face to face with Roger’s closed office door in only a handful of strides and tried to steady my nerves and heartrate as I lifted my hand to knock on it.

“Yup.” His usual greeting traveled through the door and I held my breath as I entered it.

“Sorry I’m late.” I said and took my usual seat in one of the chairs facing him. “I was giving everything a once over before declaring it done and lost track of time.”

“Not a big deal. You’re usually early so I wondered what happened.” The expectant, gigantic smile that spread across his lips as he looked at the flash drive in my hand made my stomach sink. “So it’s done then?”

I nodded. “It is.”

His outstretched hand beckoned me to hand it over. When I didn’t make any move to place it in his hand though, his confused eyes darted up to mine, questioning why I didn’t. “Aren’t you going to hand it over?”

I shook my head and clutched the drive even more. “No. . .at least not yet.” I admitted and he looked at me like I was speaking gibberish. We sat there staring at each other for what felt like forever until he lowered his hand and sat back in his squeaky chair. 

“Care to share why you don’t want to hand it over?” Even though his voice sounded calm, I could tell that annoyance was bubbling under the surface and I knew with what I was about to admit to him, it would more than likely boil over.

“I told him that I’d let him read it first and that he could make any changes he wanted before I handed it over to you, or the editor.”

He hastily leaned forward in his chair. “You did what?” He asked more shocked than angry.

“I told him. . .”

“I heard you the first time.” He interrupted. “I just can’t believe that you offered to do that. Since when do we agree to let the subject of an article critique it? Did I miss something here? And why are you just now telling me about this?”

His confusion was quickly giving way to his annoyance and I knew him well enough to know that if I jerked him around it would piss him off even more. “It was one of the conditions that Trev and I agreed upon. He would participate if I wrote it and I would let him see it before anyone else. In exchange, I got to pick the day. . .”

“That’s all well and good, Haines.” He interrupted me again. “But why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Moments of the day that Trev and I spent together rushed through my mind and renewed my determination to protect him.“Because I knew you’d try to change my mind if I did.” His jaw clenched, a sure sign that he was pissed and I hurried to continue. “I told you from the get go that I don’t write fluff and that; and I quote, “I want to sit down with him and nail out the specifics. The stipulations of me following him around will be between him and me, not between the Bucks and the Times” You agreed and then I added “Just remember, you owe me. As you said, I don’t do fluff.” And you responded, “Right! Anything you want, you name it!”

He sighed loudly and shook his head. “Damn you and your photographic memory.” He whispered both in frustration and admiration.

“I know I should have told you, and you have every right to be mad at me, but I knew that he would feel more comfortable about someone following him if he knew he had control over the article.” It wasn’t the complete truth. I did it because I cared about Trev and wanted the article to be about what he wanted, but Roger and the Bucks didn’t need to know that. “And instead of taking time to tell you and the Bucks about our agreement, I decided to focus my attention on writing it and asking for forgiveness after the fact. Because, as you said, you owe me.”

The second hand ticking was the only sound in the room for thirty seconds. Thirty seconds that I watched his face contort into all sorts of expressions as he thought things over. The final expression, the one of determination, had me worried until I saw him start to nod and I let out a long, relieved sigh. “So it’s done, but he needs to see it. When are you going to give it to him?”

“I planned on emailing it to him today.”

“We need it out by Sunday. Do you think that he can look it over and you make any changes before then?”

I nodded. “I’ll burn the midnight oil if I have to.”

He thought for a moment longer before nodding his head. “I look forward to reading it.” He stated it in a way that made me think he was dismissing me and I stood up to leave. “But Pamela. . .” His uncommon use of my first name jolted me to a stop and I swung around to look at him. “. . .next time tell me about any specific arrangements you’ve made with players or coaches.”

I quickly nodded and scurried back to my desk, hoping that the panic and relief that I felt wasn’t obvious to those whose desks were around me. But panic soon returned when my phone buzzed again and I worried that Roger’s name would appear on the screen. Thankfully it was Paisley’s name that I saw.

Hey!

Had a change in an interview date with one of the Raven’s players so I’m in town.

Want to grab lunch?

I let out a sigh of relief as I texted back. 

Yes! It’s been one of those days!

How bout we meet at O’Hurley’s? 12:30?

Sounds great! 

I replied and threw the phone and flash drive into my bag, hurrying to make it out of the building before Roger could change his mind or call me back into his office.

Half an hour later I walked into O’Hurley’s and immediately spotted Paisley sitting at a table, motioning me to join her.

“So. . .” She hinted once the server took our drink orders. “It’s not been a good day?”

I sighed as I thought back to the moments in Roger’s office. “No. Yes.” I let out another sigh. “It’s been a stressful three days.” She patiently waited while I tried to find a place to start. “I finished the article about Trev. . .” I finally hinted and she sat up even straighter.

“Oh! How’d that go?”

“Good. . .” I thought back over the day that I followed him around and bit back a threatening smile. “I followed him around for a day. Went somewhere besides the stadium with him. . .It was almost more fun than work. . .” I realized how much I said when she smirked and tried to get back to talking about Roger. “Anyway, I finished the article but I told Trev that he could read it first and I was a little stressed about telling Roger about it.”

“You told him about it today?” Her question was loaded with disbelief and humor. “Not before?” I shook my head and she eyed me suspiciously. She was forced to keep her thoughts to herself though when the server returned with our sodas and took our order.

“So you offered to let Trev read the article first?” She continued her interrogation after the server left.

“Yes.”

The knowing smile that I saw on her lips made me squirm in my chair. “Didn’t you tell me that he agreed to do the article only if you wrote it?” I nodded and sunk in my chair a little. “And then you agreed to let him be the first one to read it?” I nodded again and her knowing smile grew, causing me to sink a little more. “Are you finally going to admit to me that you have feelings for him?”

Deep down I knew she knew. But her question still shocked me. For months I tried so hard to hide it from everyone, including myself, and I thought I’d done a decent job of it.

“Is it really that obvious?” Any hopes I had of her reassuring me died when she snickered.

“You’ve changed your clothes and makeup.” Her hand gestured towards me when I opened my mouth to protest. “You always look great, but lately you’ve put an extra effort in looking your best. And to someone else, it may look like you’re just trying something new. but I know you.” Her Cheshire grin reminded me of a cat who had cornered their pray and I instinctively felt the need to run away. But it was too late.

“So the question is, why are you having lunch with me instead of him?”

She made it sound so easy, but in my mind it wasn’t. “It’s complicated.”

“What’s complicated about it? You have feelings for him, he only has eyes for you. . .” She let out a scoff when I shook my head and then shook hers. “Really, Pamela? How can you sit there and honestly think he doesn’t have feelings for you?”

She took another breath to continue her persuading but I interrupted her. “It’s not that.” I blurted out.

“Then what is it? The fact that he’s a recovering alcoholic?”

I shook my head and looked her square in the eyes. “No. I’ve done some research on what’s involved in recovery, because I did have concerns when he first showed up at the ASU house. There was so much that Dad couldn’t and wouldn’t tell me and I stressed and worried that the stress that Trev could be under was too much and that he’d relapse. So I started researching. I’d be lying if I didn’t have concerns, but most of them are about jeopardizing his recovery. It’s an ongoing struggle for him and I know that; and he’s only been sober for seven months. . .but the determination, the drive, and the hard work he’s put into both his career and recovery is obvious to everyone.”

“Is it his past then?”

I violently shook my head back and forth. “No. It’s not his past. It’s mine.” The shame I felt made my heart hurt and I tried to hide my shame by looking down at my hands sitting in my lap.

“Your past?” I nodded and let myself get lost in the memories of the last eight years.

“I was so. . .” I closed my eyes from the pain I felt from remembering how I treated him. “. . .blind that how he acted was his way of coping with and hiding what he was feeling. And instead of trying to figure out why he acted that way, I basically chastised him. I just don’t see how he could forgive me for acting like that towards him.”

“But he knows why you acted the way you did.” I started to shake my head but stopped when her voice broke as she spoke again. “Do you know why I called you the night you ran into Jarrett?”

I shook my head and held my breath as I looked back into her eyes. “He called me. Trev called me and told me what happened.” The memories of that night bombarded me and hit me with a force so powerful that I couldn’t do anything but sit frozen from the shock. “Knowing how smart he is, I wouldn’t put it past him to connect the dots and realize that the way that you treated and viewed him back then was clouded by your impression of him and what happened with Jarrett. And just like you, he might wonder how you could ever forgive him for the things he’s done or said.”

It was like a lightbulb went off and I was seeing the moments that we were together for the first time. How a look or a touch from him would get my hopes up but just as quickly he would withdrawal slightly and I would be left wondering what it all meant. “I need to talk to him.” I blurted out and she nodded. “I just need to figure out when. . .”

****Trev****

The food that they served in the stadium’s cafeteria was decent most days. They made a tasty hamburger, a satisfying pot roast, but my all-time favorite was their barbecue chicken. I always went back for seconds, sometimes even thirds, and I always persuaded the serving ladies to hook me up with a box of leftovers to take home. I should’ve been scarfing the tangy smelling barbecue goodness down, but instead, I was thinking about Pam and wondering what she was doing.

Was she done with the article? Wouldn’t she let me know if she was? How would her boss react when she told him that she was letting me read it first? They were the same questions that I had the two previous days, and I continued that day to ask and try to answer them as I poked at my lukewarm chicken with a fork.

“Something on your mind?” I heard Ryan’s voice and jolted back to the present moment in the cafeteria.

“No. . .I’m good.” I was anything but good but Ryan wasn’t usually the pushy type and I figured he’d drop it.

“Really, Trev. You’re poking at your chicken and you haven’t eaten a single bite.” I looked down at it and sighed as I realized the truth of his statement. “Is it Pamela?” He whispered, causing me to lose control of my fork. The clang it made when it hit my plate made several guys look in my direction and I forcefully shook my head at Ryan.

He nodded and I again got lost in my thoughts through the rest of lunch and was still consumed by them as I walked down the hallway to the locker room to change for workouts. It was why I didn’t notice the hand on my shoulder, pulling me into one of the meeting rooms until I was already standing in it, facing Ryan.

“Dude. . .where are you?”

I shrugged and looked down at the floor. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“No.” The forceful way he said the word made me look back up to see him shaking his head at me. “You’ve got one thing on your mind and her name is Pamela.” I started to argue with him but he continued on before I could. “Ever since the day she followed you around your heads been in the clouds. It was bad enough before when you’d get that big goofy grin on your face whenever she’s around, but at least then you could concentrate.”

“I don’t get a big, goofy grin on my face when she’s around.” I knew I did, but I hoped he wasn’t so sure of it happening.

His teasing grin told a different story. “You’re so full of it! Anyone would have to be blind to not see that she makes you smile like an idiot, not to mention the fact that her face lights up when she sees you.”

The smile that appeared on my face as I thought about her smiling and rolling her eyes at me made Ryan groan and I nodded my defeat. “For your own sake, for the sake of the team. . .” He paused long enough to make sure I was listening to him. “. . .stop dancing circles around the woman and dance with her.”

His choice of words made me chuckle. “And people say I have a way with words.” He shrugged and smiled.

“Must be a side effect from hanging around you so much.” He joked and smacked me on the back. “Seriously, Trev. . .talk to her.”

I knew he was right and nodded. The truth was that I would’ve done so before, but it seemed like every time I was about to tell her how I felt, something or someone would get in the way and I was forced to lock my feelings away until the next time I saw her.  But I had no idea when that would be.  She said that it would take her a couple days to write the article, and even though it had been a couple of days, I didn’t want to text or call her since I didn’t want to distract her.

It was something that I was still trying to figure out when I got home that night but any attempt at formulating a plan became futile with my growling stomach begging for attention. Deciding that I’d think better with some food in my stomach, I picked up my cell and called a close by Chinese place.

Thirty minutes later I was standing in the foyer, handing money to the delivery guy.

"Thanks! And here's a little something for carrying all that up here." I handed a substantial tip to the guy and waited for the sound of the moving elevator before I walked back into the living room. The heavenly smell that escaped from the bag taunted me and made my stomach growl, reminding me of just how many hours I went without eating and urged my feet to move even faster across the wood floor towards the kitchen.

I placed the greasy paper bag down and as I pulled out the last container from it my phone rang. The number of the front desk appeared on the screen and I hurriedly swiped my finger across the glass, thinking that maybe the delivery guy forgot to give me something or I had miscounted the money I gave him.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Davila. . ." There was a brief pause from Fred and I wondered how many times him and I had exchanged the same words. ". . .there's a Pamela Haines here to see you."

Nothing in my body seemed to work. Every muscle in my body tightened, my throat failed to produce any kind of noise, and my lungs forgot to fill with oxygen as I stood in complete shock from hearing her name. It seemed completely impossible that she had conveniently appeared at my apartment. Hours seemed to pass as I stood in the kitchen, holding the phone up to my ear, frozen in place, before the sound of Fred's voice beckoned me to answer.

"Mr. Davila. . .?"

I shook my head in an attempt to clear the paralyzing fog. "I'm sorry Fred. . .did you say Pamela Haines?" I knew my ears heard him right but my brain seemed unable to comprehend that he really said her name.

"Yes sir. Ms. Pamela Haines. Should I send her up?"

I absently flung the takeout box on the counter. "Yes!" I said a little too forcefully. "Send her up." I added, trying to sound more in control and wondered how big of an idiot I sounded to Fred.

"Yes sir." He hung up and I quickly did the same before I frantically looked around the room. It was pure luck that the cleaning lady had been by the day before. If not, Pam would have walked into clothes flung over the couch, dirty plates on the counter and in the sink, and who knew what other foul sights and smells. I let out a sigh of relief and then rushed out to the hallway.

The familiar ding of the elevator signaled the opening of its doors and I watched as they first revealed the elevator operator and then her. Our eyes briefly met and she flashed me a small smile that made my chest tighten and heart continue to race even after she tore her eyes from mine and diverted her attention to the operator to thank him. She stepped completely out of the elevator and a smile appeared on her lips again before her worrying stole it away and her eyes began to dart around the hallway.

"I hope I'm not interrupting. . ."

I quickly shook my head. "No." It was then that I remembered the Chinese food sitting on the counter. "Well. . .I was about to eat. . ."

"Oh! Well then I'll just give this to you and be on my way." She interrupted me and reached in her bag to reveal a flash drive that she held out for me to take.

I stared at it for a couple seconds before my curiosity prompted my vocal chords to work. "What is it?"

She glanced down at it. "It's the article I wrote. I told you I'd let you see it before I turned it into the editor. You can read it and let me know if you have any corrections or other changes." She continued to hold it out for me to take. "I figured it would be better to hand it over in person since I didn't know if anyone would pressure you to see it if I gave it to you at the stadium." I nodded and looked down at the flash drive while I finally took it from her hand. "I. . ." I looked up to see her lips curl into the all too familiar forced smile. "I guess I'll get going. Sorry to interrupt your dinner." She whirled around and rushed towards the elevator.

"Would you like to join me?" The blurted out words were more of a plea than a question and I unsuccessfully tried to sound less frantic with my next question. "Have you eaten dinner?" The unsure expression that I saw on her face as she slowly turned around urged me to continue, hoping that by some miracle I might convince her to stay. "I ordered Chinese and I always order way more than I can eat, since I hate to cook and I can eat the leftovers for days. . ."

I held my breath as I anxiously waited for her answer and as her lips parted and began to move, I convinced myself that she was about to say no. "I'd love to." She whispered instead, and the soft, warm smile that I saw on her lips and in her eyes made me freeze for a moment as I wondered if I had imagined or really heard her.

Once it sunk in that she'd really agreed, I started breathing again and smiled at her as I walked over to the door and held it open for her. Her smile grew as she walked past me, into the living room where she stopped until I led her into the kitchen and the boxes of Chinese food. "Oh my God, Trev! You weren't kidding!" She said as she took in the sight.

"No, I wasn't. They know that whenever I call it's going to be a huge order. The owner even told me one time that arguments sometimes break out over who's going to deliver it since I'm known to give big tips. That's actually who I thought you were when Fred called up here. I thought I might not have given the delivery guy enough money for the order."

"I suppose I could've called. . ." She confessed as we both started to put food on our plates and I thought she wouldn't continue her thought as several silent moments passed but she proved me wrong. "I was on my way home when I looked over at the passenger seat and remembered that the flash drive was in my bag. I made a last minute decision to stop by and it was only when I entered the lobby that I thought about the fact that I might be interrupting you. . ." Her head jerked up to reveal her teasing smirk. ". . .or keeping you from partaking in gluttony."

I chuckled as I placed my plate on the table and then moved towards her chair to pull it out for her. She glided into the seat and the sensation of her arms brushing against my hands nearly made my whole body jump and caused a twitch in my hands that didn't go unnoticed by her. "Are you okay?"

I rubbed my hands together but stopped when it dawned on me that it probably brought more attention to how much touching her affected me. "Yup." She nodded, and I hoped that the comfortable silence that filled the room as we ate meant that she believed me.

“How’s your neck?" She asked as I took a bite of fried rice.

"Are you asking because you plan on writing another article about me?" I joked, hoping that my teasing would lead to our usual wordplay, but the absence of a smile and the darting of her eyes away from mine made me realize my mistake. "I'm sorry. I'm used to diverting those kinds of questions." She slowly nodded and I sighed before telling her what I’d admitted to only a few people. "I might need to have surgery on it; probably in the off season if I do."

"But it's not career ending, right?" I felt a tug on my heart, knowing that the concern I saw in her eyes and heard in her voice was for me and rushed to calm her fears.

"No, but not having surgery could limit my mobility so. . .At the very least it’s going to require some recovery and therapy time." She nodded but the way she picked at her food with her fork and shifted in her chair told a different story and I continued to try to convince her. "It'll be okay. I might have to prove my ability as starting quarterback, which might be harder next year, but. . ."

She nodded again as her eyes lowered to the plate in front of her and her teeth bit down on the inside of her lips. There were only a few of her expressions that I felt confident in my ability to identify, and the one where she forcefully tried to keep her mouth shut, was one of them.  She always did it when she wanted to say something but was trying her damnedest not too and I wondered if she would eventually give in.

"Have you ever. . ." Part me wanted to smile at her decision to give in; knowing that she trusted me enough to tell me what she originally didn’t want to. Another part of me cringed, worried about why she wasn’t sure if she should. ". . .have you ever thought about what you'll do when you retire? I know it's a long way off, but still. . ."

I turned away from her and looked out at city buildings outside the window as I wondered about telling her. I hadn't told anyone what I dreamt about doing after retirement and part of me was scared to admit it. As much as I dreamt about it, I didn't know if it was something that I could do and no one could tell me otherwise as long as I didn't tell them about it. I slowly turned my head back to look at her and saw the open, almost reassuring expression that had been on her face several days before; the same expression that had helped convince me to open up to her about Dad.

I quickly looked away from her and glanced back down at my plate before taking a big breath and spilling my guts. "I'd really like to coach; not pro though." I added quickly. "College." I was surprised to see her head nodding when I turned back towards her and it encouraged me to continue. "I hadn't thought much about it until I was at ASU with your dad this summer and he asked me to give the starting quarterback some pointers. It was like this unknown desire was ignited and ever since then I've been excited when I've gotten any chance to help other players."

"Like Ryan. . ." I was surprised that she said it as more of a statement than a question and I nodded.

"Yeah. When I wasn't starting, and helped with play calling and giving encouragement to the offense, especially Ryan. It felt good. Like I was. . ."

"Making a difference." She finished before I could and I nodded, shocked that she knew how I felt. She looked down at the table again, shifted in her seat and I braced myself as she peeked back up at me through her lashes, convinced that she’d tell me I’d make a horrible coach. "I'm going to say this and hope that you won't think that I'm tooting sunshine up your ass. . ." She smirked and I couldn’t stop myself from chuckling.

"I know you're not one to go around tooting sunshine up people's asses." I admitted and she smiled.

"No, I guess I've never really been known to do that. . ." The smirk that I gave her as I shook my head disappeared when I saw her thoughtful expression when she continued. "I honestly think you'd be a great coach." I started to argue with her but gulped down my argument when she insisted. "Remember, I don't BS people. . ."

"I remember watching you help Washington at ASU. Do you remember? That I snuck into the stadium that day?" Of course I remembered her being there, I hadn't forgotten any of our moments together since the first time I showed up at Coach's house that summer. I nodded and she continued. "I sat there for a while, watching you. . .with Washington, and at first I wondered why Dad asked you to do that. But as I continued to watch, it didn't take me long to see what Dad obviously already knew." I questioned her with my eyes and she gave me a warm smile. "That it was something that you have a knack for. Some of coaching can be learned, but there are certain things that can't be and unless someone has a natural knack or ability for it, they’re only going to experience a certain amount of success."

Her belief in my coaching abilities left me feeling humbled and shocked. There weren't many whose opinion I valued or sought when it came my abilities or talents, but Pam was one of the few. She knew all too well what was involved in being not only a good player but also a good coach. I sat there for several minutes in stunned silence as I tried to wrap my head around what she told me. In the meantime, she stood up and made her way into the kitchen to help herself to seconds and as she sat back down I finally found my voice.

"Thank you." I simply said and the eye squinting smile that she gave me caused a warmth that started near my heart to spread through the rest of my chest.

"All I did was tell you the truth." I looked down at my plate for a moment as I tried to think of a way to change the subject, wanting to get the conversation away from me, and my mind darted to the flash drive that was still in my pocket.

"What about you? Do you have any dreams of moving to a bigger market? Maybe national?" I could tell my question caught her off guard but she quickly answered me.

"Not really. . ." She looked down at her hands that were in her lap. "Staying here or even somewhere nearby allows me to be close to everyone. They pay me well, I don't have the pressures that I would working for a national publication, and I honestly can't say that in ten years I'll still be doing this."

I nodded when she looked up at me and hoped that she would continue. She did only after looking up at the ceiling and sighing loudly. "Paisley keeps bugging me about doing sports radio. . .I really liked the little stint I did in college and I would love to work with her. . ." Her voice drifted off and she glanced back over at me and shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe I'll eventually give in; but you're stuck with me until I figure out something else." She admitted with a smirk and it was my turn to give her a grin that threatened to make my cheeks hurt.

Stuck with me. She meant it sarcastically, but there wasn’t anything that I wanted more than to be near her and I couldn’t keep myself from grinning whenever it happened. Like an idiot, according to Ryan. He was right; I knew it, but the opposite was also true. Whenever I wasn’t near her there was an emptiness that I didn’t know existed until we became friends. And just like in Riverview, I was hit between the eyes with the realization of how thankful I was that we were friends, but also how miserable I would be with nothing more.

“. . .I have to believe that if you haven't rushed into anything and you know what your heart feels, that following it has got to be better than the pain that's caused from not.” Mom’s advice she gave me in Appaloosa had made sense when she offered it, but with Pam sitting across from me, having dinner in my apartment, I realized the truth of them.

The satisfied sigh she let out pulled me away from my thoughts and I smiled again as she placed her hand over her stomach. "God! I'm so stuffed! I always eat way to much when I have Chinese!" She complained and I laughed.

"With just Chinese food?" I teased her as I thought back to the few other meals we shared.

"What exactly are you implying?" She dared me with her eyes to do my usual dance around her. But I wasn’t interested in anything else except dancing with her.

****Pamela****

His eyes sparkled with mischievousness and his lips formed into the smirk that I once found annoying. At that moment, I found it hard to believe that it had done anything but make my heart race, and I eagerly waited for the banter that I was sure would follow.

"Only that you have a pretty healthy appetite. . ." I was about to respond with a sarcastic comeback but noticed the grin on his lips completely disappear. He leaned forward and his intense eyes completely focused on mine, making Paisley's observations about him only having eyes for me come to mind. ". . .One of the many things I've noticed about you."

The huskiness in his voice made my brain send out confusing signals to my body, making my cheeks burn, lips smirk, and depriving my lungs of air. It was his intense eyes that made it impossible for me to breathe and I forced myself to look away only to notice a piano sitting in the corner that peaked my curiosity.

"Do you still play?"

I turned my head back in time to catch his surprised expression. "How did you know I play?"

I couldn't help myself. "It's one of the many things I've noticed about you. . ." He chuckled and I continued. "It was one of the parties that Davidson threw at ASU and I wasn’t really thrilled about being there." He nodded and kept his expression guarded. "So I tried to find an area of the house that was quieter and as I roamed the hallway I heard a piano. I followed the noise until I found the doorway and opened it just enough to see who was playing. To say I was surprised to see you sitting there would be an understatement."

"You really do have a habit of standing near doorways and listening to people, don't you?" He teased me and I chuckled. "It surprises most people, when they find out that I play." He admitted as he looked over at the instrument. "I still play it; more so now than before since it helps distract me." I nodded to let him know that I understood what he wasn’t saying. "We were all subjected to piano lessons." He continued to explain. "I used to pretend I hated it but would play it when no one was around, especially after Dad died. It was one of the few things that helped right after the accident, but like most things, I turned away from it in the years since and only recently rediscovered it."

I once again thought back to the moment that I discovered that he played the piano and wondered if he’d been thinking about his dad.  I didn’t know the answer, but I did know that the sound it made entranced me, and I again glanced at the piano and wondered if he would play a song for me. I wasn't sure if I should ask though, especially since the reasons he played were so personal. Trying to gage how he’d react to my request, I slowly turned my head and was surprised to see him still watching me. The slow, warm smile he gave me made the familiar butterflies flutter in my stomach and I decided to throw caution to the wind. "Would you play something for me?"

He looked away, the way he always did when I asked him something that seemed to catch him off guard, and I felt certain that I’d asked too much. Seeing him then stand up, take several steps towards me, and offering me his hand seemed so impossible that I couldn’t move from the shock of seeing it. It wasn’t until I felt a jolt travelling up my arm, urging me to lift it, that I finally placed my hand in his.

I couldn’t concentrate on much else except the feeling of his rough hand around mine as he led me over to the piano. People always remarked about my large hands and how they were an asset when I played basketball, and I didn’t know many people whose hands were larger than mine. But his were the exception, and I smiled as I enjoyed the way they made a warm, protective cocoon around mine.

His hand gently guided me to stand next to the piano and I missed the protectiveness of it when he released my hand as he sat down on the piano bench. He hesitated a moment, closing his eyes as he gently laid his hands on the ivory keys and let out a slow, long breath before they pressed down on the keys. They soon began to glide up and down, producing a breathtakingly beautiful sound and I marveled at the movement of his hands as he played. How suredly they moved along the keys; one moment pressing them firmly and then the next seeming to stroke them, and before I knew it, I was fantasizing about his hands making similar movements along my body.

I didn’t even realize that I closed my eyes or that he finished until his deep baritone voice interrupted my thoughts. "It's your turn." The only part of my body that didn’t freeze when I heard his words were my eyes that flew open. Everything else, including my heart, stopped. But the warmth creeping up my neck from the mortification that he had somehow read my thoughts let me know that it was still very much working.

"What?!"

"It's your turn." He stood up and used his hands to gesture to the keys.

"Oh. . ." Having grasped what he actually meant, my eyes darted around the piano and floor as I felt conflicting feelings of relief, disappointment and then worry. "I don't know how." I tried to argue with him but I should’ve known that he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"You've never played? Anything?" He prodded.

I smirked and then huffed at his challenge. "Of course I've played, but it's always been silly stuff like Chopsticks or Heart and Soul." I figured that would be the end of his insisting but he raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the piano. "You can't be serious? You played that gorgeous piece and now you want me to play that?"

He smiled at me, the one that could convince most people to do anything, that showed every perfect, white tooth in his mouth and could blind everyone within a mile and I sighed as I gave in and sat down on the bench. What he didn’t realize was that I had no intention of playing anything by myself, and as his body leaned against the piano in anticipation of hearing me, I smirked up at him, ending his misunderstanding of the situation. “The last time I checked, it takes two people to play Heart and Soul. . .” I hinted and he laughed as he realized that I had turned his attempt to hear me play against him.

I scooted over to give him room and after fumbling around for several seconds, I finally remembered how the baseline went and Trev soon joined me on the upper part. We played through several times, each time him adding more to his part while I did good to not mess up any notes, and by the time he mentioned playing one last time we were both laughing hysterically at how bad I was playing. As we neared the end, Trev added a grand finale that ended with our hands resting next to each other’s and the sensation of his hand touching mine made my eyes dart from them, up to his eyes.

The tenderness that I saw in them took my breath away and I completely froze as I stared back at him. "Pam. . ."Hearing him pleadingly whisper my name made me jump up and take several steps away from him. I knew I should’ve kept sitting there, looking into his eyes and finally asking him what all of it meant, but my courage faltered when faced with the reality of knowing that we’d come to the point where we couldn’t turn back. 

What changed my mind was seeing the concern when I slowly turned back around and looked into his eyes. Seeing him like that and knowing that I was the reason, pulled at my heart and made my courage and determination return. It was at that moment that I finally asked him the question that I’d been asking myself for months. "What are we doing, Trev? What is this?"

He slowly stood up and walked within inches of where I stood, never once looking away from me. As I continued to stare into his blue eyes, I vaguely felt the touch of his rough, large hands wrapping around mine and I held my breath as I waited for his answer. "I don't even know if I can have what I want." He started and I felt my eyebrow raise as I wondered what he meant. "With my past, what you know about my past. . .how could what I want become a reality?"

My stomach sank for a moment when his words confirmed that Paisley was right; he believed that I wouldn’t be able to let go of our past and that it presented obstacles that we couldn’t overcome. I knew we needed to talk about it at some point, but all I wanted to know at that moment was how he felt and what he wanted. I shook my head and when he noticed it, disbelief overtook the shock that briefly appeared on his face. "History be damned. Whether it's your history, our history, or the history we have with other people. I'm not interested in your past, Trev. What I want to know is what you want at this moment."

His eyes got a familiar determination in them and he took in a long, deep breath as he looked into my eyes. "I want to have dinner with you; not just one or two, here and there, but countless ones. I want to laugh with you like we just did; not just once in a while but every stinkin' day. I want to see you roll your eyes at me and then laugh when I say and do stupid things before thinking; not just on the football field, during press conferences or in parking lots and garages, but during the hours of the day when we should be sleeping." He took another step closer. "Most of all I want to show you how I feel, a feeling that I didn't know was possible before you. I want to show you by telling you, by kissing you until both of us are on the verge of losing consciousness, by caressing and stroking your body and God help me that may be the wrong thing to say, but that's what I want! All of that and more!"

Before my mind could fully grasp that what he wanted was the same as me, my body instinctively moved towards his and our bodies and lips crashed into each other. His lips pressed firmly against mine but were also so incredibly soft, softer than I had ever imagined and my only coherent thoughts were of them as each passionate kiss drew me further away from caring about anything else. The pressure of his hand on the small of my back kept me from getting completely lost in his kisses though, and diverted my attention to him pulling my body even more against his, allowing me to feel every hardened muscle that flexed in his torso down through his groin, and an intense desire began to rise in me.

My arms wound around his neck and as I drank in more of his intoxicating lips, the world around us began to swirl faster and faster. I would’ve been happy to lose consciousness then, my last thoughts being of how wonderful his lips felt on mine, but I was saved from that fate when his lips suddenly pulled away from mine.

"You weren't kidding about kissing until almost losing consciousness." I said breathlessly when I somewhat regained my wits. His lips curled into its familiar smirk, the one that I repeatedly daydreamed of kissing, but this time I didn't have to just daydream about it. 

His smirking lips fell onto mine and I lost all ability to think straight when his tongue started to lightly trace my bottom lip. I willingly parted my lips and his tongue took advantage of it by sweeping across mine, inviting me to join in the exploration. Our tongues circled around, darted forward and back, and the whole time my heart threatened to burst from my chest.

The idea of my heart bursting brought me back to reality for a moment and I impulsively rested my hand over his. The thundering pound pulsed through his shirt and the need to feel it without the fabric barrier consumed me. My hands quickly removed the offensive clothing, an action that made our lips part, and as my eyes took in the sight of his bare chest I marveled at it. There was no telling how many times I had seen it; between college and his pro career it wasn't a new sight to me, but seeing it at that moment, fantasizing about running my fingertips along it and trailing kisses across every inch of it made me want to touch it even more.

I gave into my desire to feel his heartbeat under my hand and as my skin rested on his, a white hot heat shot through my fingertips that made him take in a sharp breath. The sudden sound sent my eyes up to his where I saw the dark desire that burned in them. If that had been his response to my hand touching him, I wondered what would happen from feeling the touch of my lips. I leaned my body even more against his and stood on my tiptoes, stretching my neck until my lips pressed into to the nape of his. His arms smashed my body against his and a low grunt escaped from his lips. "Jesus Christ, Pam. . ."

My lips smiled against his skin and I had every intention of planting more kisses along his neck, but his lips seized mine. The effect was the same as before and I wondered if it was possible to kiss him without it feeling like the surrounding world was whirling completely out of control or without every nerve in my body tingling. He proved me wrong when the tingling changed to an aching as the heat of his strong hands traveled from my back and down to my sides.

Our kiss deepened and his hands began to move towards my breasts, but the anticipation of him touching me was squashed when I felt them jerk back to my sides and he suddenly pushed me away. Confused, I looked into his still dark, intense eyes, trying to see any hint of why he pulled away and became even more puzzled as I saw the stern determination in them. Especially when it continued and intensified as we attempted to catch our breath. 

“If we don’t stop. . .” His desire filled voice warned me, but I didn’t want to stop. I thought back to moments when I wished for him to show me his feelings and when I wanted to show him mine. All those moments when there was a small spark of hope that he felt the same and now that I knew he did, I didn’t want to bottle those feelings up again.

My hands removed his from my sides and he looked stunned for a moment as I guided them around my back. Time seemed to slow down as I took not only a step towards him but a step towards us, and the thundering pound of my heart echoed in my ears as I convincingly looked up at him. 

“Then don’t stop.” The words were barely out of my mouth before he smashed his body and lips into mine and the lack of oxygen made me feel as if I was floating off the ground.

When I felt his leg move forward I realized that my floating sensation was from him picking me up and my arms instinctively clung around his neck as his legs continued forward. "Wrap your legs around me." He whispered in my ear and I complied. His arms easily carried me while he continued to walk and I quickly glanced behind me to see that we were headed towards the stairs. I turned my head back around and noticed the raised eyebrow, his final, unspoken inquiry if he should continue. I responded my wrapping my legs even tighter around his waist and he chuckled as he continued up the stairs.

As soon as my feet landed on the floor, his hands gathered the sides of my shirt and it was removed with blinding speed. A shiver ran up my spine as the slightly cooler air hit my skin and the sensation continued as I watched his eyes follow the movement of his hands along my stomach. They slowly inched upward, and his lips smirked as his eyes rested on my breasts, making me wonder what he was thinking, but I was left guessing when they travelled even further up to my neck.  I felt a smile spread across my lips when his mouth moved closer and closed my eyes as I willingly offered it to him.

He paused for a moment, his head resting inches from my neck, and I heard him breathe deeply. "God, you smell so good." He breathed into my ear and I found myself thinking the same thing as I breathed in his scent, a combination of soap and his cologne. 

His lips trailed down my neck and I released a satisfying moan when they rested on the spot he previously showed an interest in. His lips and tongue briefly kissed and licked my exposed skin, but they quickly turned into small bites and my loud moan echoed through the room. My hips thrust against him and I gripped his hair as he continued to bite and suck on the sensitive skin, driving me crazy with his teasing. "You’re. . ." He bit down on my neck again stopping any other words from being uttered and instead I growled at him.

"I'm what?" I could hear the teasing in his voice and his biting moved to my ear as he waited for my response. Any idea of me finishing my thought vanished when I noticed that his neck had conveniently moved closer to my mouth and I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. The second my teeth started to nibble on his neck, his arms tightly wrapped around my waist and he let out a low growl. "You're in trouble." He informed me as he lifted my feet off the floor and carried me towards the bed.

He quickly but carefully laid me on it and from the mischievous smile that appeared on his lips, I wondered if he really meant what he said; I thought there was a good chance that I really was in trouble. I smiled up at him as he descended on me and his hands quickly made their way around my back. He effortlessly removed my bra and it was flung across the room before he moved his attentions to my pants and he stood back up and pulled them and my underwear off with one movement.

He stood at the end of the bed and desirously stared down at me as I laid naked in front of him. His mischievous grin reappeared and he started to move toward the bed but stopped when I began to protest. "I think you forgot something. . ." I hinted and he chuckled as his hands started to undo his belt. He pulled his pants off just as quickly as he pulled off mine and after discarding them, he continued to stand at the end of the bed so we could look at each other. For once in my life, I was speechless. There wasn't a muscle in his body that wasn't toned or an inch of his body that I didn't want to let my hands wander over and as if he read my mind, he slowly climbed over me and his lips hungrily sought mine.

My fingertips lightly scratched down his back and lingered near his waist before I finally gave in and let them continue until they cupped his butt and he let out what sounded like a frustrated moan as he pushed himself even more against me. 

His lips tore away from mine and the love bites and kisses started again as he made his way down my neck and I held my breath as he continued them further down. A satisfied sigh escaped from my lips as his mouth descended on my breast and soon the sound of many moans filled the room as his merciless tongue teased me.

He teasingly bit down before his pleasure delivering lips moved slowly down my stomach and I looked down at him when I felt his breath against my thigh. Our eyes met and he smirked as he slid off the end of the bed. His strong hands pulled my hips closer to the edge, and as he let his gaze fall a wicked smile spread across his lips and he looked back up at me. "In very big trouble. . ." He huskily promised and started to tease me with kisses on each of my thighs, kisses that left me in agony as I eagerly anticipated the touch of his lips and tongue between my legs.

The anticipation finally ended when his tongue barely caressed me and I whimpered from the all too short moment of pleasure. He teased me several more times before finally answering my pleas and it wasn't long before I grabbed fistfuls of sheets and cried out with moans of pleasure. When he was convinced that I had almost reached my point of no return, he stopped and I breathlessly watched him walk over to the nightstand and then quickly return to the bed.

His hands gently helped me move to the center of the bed and he slowly lowered his body onto mine. My hips met his when he started to press himself against me and we both groaned when I followed his slow rhythm as he began to rub himself in between my legs. I wondered how long he would delay giving both of us the relief that we yearned for, since I was sure I couldn't take much more of him rubbing against me, and I had no idea how much time passed until I first started to feel him enter me and we simultaneously sighed when he did. He started off slow, but neither of us seemed to want to prolong our pleasure and soon our pace quickened. I felt myself slipping further and further away from having any awareness of time moving, of my surroundings, or of any noises or touches besides the sounds that escaped from us and the touches that we shared.

I was sure I was on the verge of losing consciousness but was pulled back by the sensation of every muscle in my body starting to tense and as I felt the first of many spasms, I wrapped my legs around him and my hands clawed at his back. At the moment that I moaned his name, his body tensed, and as he reached his own moment of release, he loudly moaned and his whole body began to shake.

We laid completely still as our minds came out of the fog and the first thing I noticed was how much larger his body was than mine. It was something that I realized before, but as his body lie on top of mine, I had a new appreciation of the fact. His arms still supported most of his weight and even though I was sure they could continue to support him, I wanted to feel every part of his body completely against mine. I pressed my hands against his back and his eyes quickly darted to mine.

"I'll crush you." He tried to reason with me but even if it was true, I didn’t care.

"No you won't." I tried to argue with him and my hands tried to again convince him to lower his body completely down on mine.

"I weigh more than you." He told me as if I had no knowledge of the fact.

I pressed my hands even harder against his back and smiled when his sigh signaled my victory. He slowly lowered his chest onto mine and I happily sighed and closed my eyes as he finally gave me what I wanted, relishing the feeling of every inch of our bodies pressing together. But he still wasn’t done trying to convince me.

"You do realize that my arms are still supporting me, don't you. Because I’d crush you if I didn't."

My eyelids flew open and the teasing I saw in his eyes led me to roll mine and smile up at him. "You're such a smartass."

His teasing smile changed to a blinding grin and he chuckled as he rolled onto his back and pulled me against him. We laid silently together, my body partially lying on him, his hand glided up and down my arm as my fingers traced imaginary lines on his chest and I had no idea how much time passed before his curiosity got the better of him.

"So. . .you could have emailed me the article. . ." He more than a little hinted and I tried to hide my smile in his chest.  "Not that I mind that you didn’t. . ."

I continued to watch my fingers trace imaginary lines along his chest for several seconds before my eyes slowly made their way up to his expecting ones. "It was an excuse. . ." I paused as I inched my face toward his until I could feel his warm breath on my lips. ". . .to see you." I waited long enough to see the satisfied grin spread across his lips before I pressed mine against them and kissed him until we were both once again on the verge of losing consciousness.

~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~

Trev and Pamela's Duet

Trev's song he played for Pamela

Credits:

- White Lion Pub and Shops - by Martine

Poses by: k2mtoo, Skylar, IMHO, thesimperiuscurse, Sea, Aidaen,

eunsims, fyachii, Fanaskher, FL Club, swagmaster-camilla, freckled-pixels (MrsOogieBoogie), spladoum, lenina90, jettschae, siciliaforever, HarukoMitsu